There Is No Generation Gap—Am I the North Wind or the Sun?

There is a saying: “If you have never experienced what others have gone through, do not be quick to judge their faults. If you have never endured their suffering, do not be quick to tell them how they should behave. If you had suffered what I have suffered, you might not have done any better than I did.” Such a simple truth—yet I never realized how poorly I had practiced it in the past.

Ever since I was young, my father had raised me with a strict and authoritative approach. This was very different from my relationship with my mother, with whom I always seemed to have endless things to talk about.

As I grew older, friction between my parents gradually increased, leaving many negative impressions deeply embedded in my mind. My father and I rarely talked. Whenever my parents had a disagreement, I invariably took my mother’s side without trying to view the situation objectively. As a result, my misunderstandings of my father grew deeper and deeper.

During the years when I suffered most severely from illness, my father took care of me tirelessly and without complaint. Although I was deeply moved by everything he did for me, for some reason I could never let go of the memories of his arguments with my mother. Deep inside, I still harbored resentment toward him.

After my mother passed away, my father was overwhelmed with grief. Yet he often pulled himself together to encourage me, simply because he was afraid that remembering my mother would make me sad and bring me to tears.

Now that only my father and I remained to keep each other company, the awkwardness of having so little to talk about became even more apparent. Sometimes when I accompanied him on walks, I would become impatient when he repeatedly talked about things from the past. Although this was his way of expressing his emotions, I failed to recognize the helplessness and loneliness hidden behind his words.

Instead, I behaved almost like a fault-finding inspector. Even as I listened to him, I would contradict or correct him. Our conversations would often end with him saying, “If you don’t like talking to me, at least don’t lose your temper with me!”

I do not know how many times this pattern repeated itself. Then one day, I suddenly became alarmed by my own conduct. I realized what an inconsiderate daughter I had been. I had continued to hold on to the painful memories of my parents’ arguments, and because of that, I had never truly listened to what was in my father’s heart.

I began to think: We can change ourselves without demanding that others change, can’t we? Moreover, how could I possibly understand all the causes and conditions underlying the relationship between my parents?

I therefore resolved to become a gentler and more understanding daughter. I began training myself to truly listen, to let go of the burdens and attachments of the past, and to sincerely fulfill my filial duty toward my father.

It reminded me of Aesop’s famous fable, “The North Wind and the Sun.” I was determined to be the sun!

Gradually, my relationship with my father became more and more harmonious. Whenever I am not by his side, I call him at a regular time each day to see how he is doing. When I return home, I also make an effort to spend more time talking with him. Over time, my father has come to feel that I genuinely care about him.

My father and I had once been almost like strangers, but now we live together in harmony. I deeply understand that this transformation came about through genuinely learning and practicing Buddhism. It is also a result of frequently listening respectfully to the Dharma discourses expounded by Namo H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, through which I received purification and blessings.

The Buddha Dharma exists in this world and is inseparable from awakening within this world. There is no knot in life that cannot be untied. What matters is whether we are willing to let go of our attachments and make the change.

Link: https://myhappylifestyle.net/2026/09/08/there-is-no-generation-gap-am-i-the-north-wind-or-the-sun/

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