A Mother’s Forgiveness After Losing Her Only Child
The ancients once said, “If we forgive others with the same understanding we extend to ourselves, we can preserve our relationships. If we judge ourselves as strictly as we judge others, we will make fewer mistakes.”
In other words, when we forgive others as readily as we forgive ourselves, our relationships will grow stronger. When we hold ourselves to the same standards we use to criticize others, we will make fewer mistakes.
The highest level of forgiveness is perhaps this: When someone hurts us, we neither hold a grudge nor seek revenge. Instead, we forgive that person, let go of our resentment, and even offer help when needed.
When a person, through the virtue of forgiveness, transforms enemies into friends and adverse circumstances into favorable ones, is that not a way of giving oneself the greatest gift? This embodies the ancient saying: “Great virtue comes from tolerance, and noble character comes from freedom from selfish desires.”
The following deeply moving and heartbreaking story inspired these reflections.
In Gaoming Village, Anhua County, Hunan Province, lived a widow named Luo Ying. Her son, Han Xiang, was attending university in Dalian when he tragically lost his life in a traffic accident. Upon hearing the devastating news, Luo Ying broke down in tears.
When her only son, Han Xiang, was in his third year of junior high school, her husband passed away from an illness. Before his death, he left her with just one request: “No matter how poor we are, we must make sure our son receives an education.”
For years, Luo Ying endured countless hardships and worked tirelessly to support her son’s education, eventually seeing him enter university. Her son was undoubtedly the greatest pride of her life. Yet just when life seemed to be getting better, another terrible tragedy struck.
Luo Ying hurried to Dalian to handle her son’s funeral arrangements. Before she left, the villagers who came to see her off urged her, “You must not let that terrible driver get away with this! He has completely destroyed your family!”
Upon arriving in Dalian, Luo Ying insisted on visiting the home of the driver responsible for the accident, a young man surnamed Fu, known as Xiao Fu. What she found was a family of five living in a small apartment of less than 50 square meters.
From the moment she entered until the moment she left, she did not say a single word about her son’s death. She simply shared a meal with the family and departed.
After she left, the Fu family found her behavior puzzling. They could not understand why she had neither cried nor expressed anger. The more they thought about it, the more unusual it seemed.
Luo Ying then visited her son’s university. She declined to meet with the legal team the university had arranged for her and made only one request: “Please help me arrange for Xiang’er’s body to be cremated as soon as possible.”
Later, carrying her son’s urn, she visited all the interesting and beautiful places in Dalian that her son had never had the chance to see.
Finally, Luo Ying met with the executives of the public transportation company that employed Xiao Fu. The executives were fully prepared for a difficult confrontation.
To everyone’s surprise, Luo Ying made only two requests.
First, she asked that Xiao Fu not be punished or dismissed from his job.
Second, knowing that Xiao Fu frequently suffered from insomnia, she offered him a traditional home remedy that she hoped might help.
Before she left, the company’s executives offered her a substantial sum of compensation. However, she firmly refused to accept it.
Her actions left everyone in the company, from the executives to the employees, deeply astonished.
Because Luo Ying chose not to pursue the matter further, Xiao Fu was able to keep his job.
From then on, Xiao Fu and representatives of the public transportation company visited their benefactor every year. They not only continued to care for Luo Ying as she grew older but also contributed to the development of her village in whatever ways they could—investing in local projects, building roads, and constructing new school buildings.
One can hope that, through these efforts, more children will have the opportunity to follow in Han Xiang’s footsteps: attending university, leaving their village, and discovering the wider world.
Luo Ying’s kindness, generosity, and forgiving nature are truly admirable. Despite the unbearable pain of losing her only son in a traffic accident, she demonstrated extraordinary patience, tolerance, and empathy.
Such moral character is far beyond what most people can achieve and is certainly worthy of our admiration and emulation.
As H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III teaches in Philosophical Sayings About Worldly Matters:
“To forgive is evidence of one’s virtue. Right or wrong, success or failure will eventually become apparent to the public, and those who trespassed against you will be ashamed of themselves.”
This means that those who are able to understand and forgive the mistakes and disputes of others demonstrate that their moral character has reached an acceptable standard and entered the realm of virtuous conduct.
This is because disputes over right and wrong are often difficult to unravel or explain completely. Whether something ultimately results in success or failure will eventually become clear; it is simply a matter of time.
Moreover, disputes over right and wrong, as well as success and failure, are ultimately without inherent reality.
Once we understand this principle, we should not become attached to disputes over right and wrong. The more we cling to them, the more deeply we become entangled. The stronger our attachment, the further we sink into conflict and controversy.
By not becoming attached to such disputes, we demonstrate that our moral character has reached a higher level of virtue.
When others witness such conduct, they will come to recognize, deep within their hearts, that we are truly people of noble character and virtue.
In particular, those who have wronged us and drawn us into disputes may experience the reproach of their own conscience. Inspired by our conduct, they may reflect upon their mistakes, repent, reform themselves, and ultimately contribute to the well-being of society.
Throughout life’s journey, we encounter all kinds of people and situations, both good and bad, amid endless complexities and disturbances.
If we can respond to those who insult, criticize, or harm us with a broad mind and a compassionate heart—seeking to understand them and even showing them care—then what room would remain for anger, hatred, or resentment?
Surely, the world would become a better, more peaceful, and more harmonious place.
Written by: Zai Lu Shang
Edited by: Putizi
#DorjeChangBuddhaIII #Spirituality #Buddha #Buddhism
This touching story reminds us that true Buddhist wisdom is reflected in forgiveness, compassion, and the ability to transform hatred into kindness.
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